学为贵雅思培训项目部提供：涨知识:雅思8.5分的大作文长这个样子。

　　本文是学为贵雅思写作名师杜仕明老师（新浪微博:@杜仕明-学为贵）发布的《8.5分的大作文长这个样子》。以下是参考范围内容：

　　最新鲜的考题，最新鲜的范文，和最新鲜的考官点评。

　　仔细研究考官对四项标准的评分，看看你和这篇文章的差距在哪里。

　　不求多深奥的想法，只要明确的观点和对应的段落展开。

　　Overall band score 8.5 （8+9+8+9）

给我批改作文的考官在越南IDP工作六年，期间也教授雅思课程。

　　WRITING TASK 2

　　You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

　　Write about the following topic

　　Some people have benefited from modern communication technology, but some groups of people have not benefited at all.

　　To what extent do you agree or disagree?

　　Original answer

　　-

　　The 21st century has seen a large number of changes that are beyond our wildest expectations. One of these advances, with no doubt, is the fast development of communications technology. Convenience and high efficiency brought by digital communication are obvious, but I do not think that everyone has access to these benefits. 

　　Digital forms of communication enable many people, mainly including students, families as well as entrepreneurs, to reap the maximum benefits. From an educational perspective, learning can be incredibly efficient and effective, as students having the internet connection can virtually solve all their puzzles by browsing teaching websites or asking for help from teachers simultaneously. Internet-based communication also contributes positively to strengthening family relationships and increasing closeness between family members. For example, students who attend boarding schools or study abroad are able to keep in daily contact easily with parents by sending greeting messages or camera chatting. What is more, companies can be run at a much lower cost because the internet and computers help to expand business cheaply and because information technology allows employees to work at home, which saves most of the rents for office space.

　　However, I would argue that the benefits of information and communication technology are restricted to certain groups of users. In other words, some people, particularly the old and the poor, are not beneficiaries of modern ways of communication. With regard to the former, a large percentage of elderly people are unable and reluctant to adapt to new technology, which means that they barely enjoy the convenience and fun brought by the devices. As for people living in extreme poverty, mobile phones, computers and any other electronic devices are luxuries. All web-based activities mean nothing to them, neither making them relaxed nor providing them with career opportunities.

　　In conclusion, I agree with the idea that technological advances in information and communication have just brought benefits to a certain group of people, even though it is a large group.

　　1. TR – Task Response 

　　Band score 8

　　You have fully answered the question and you have a clear position.

　　The ideas are all relevant and mostly extended sufficiently.

　　In a to what extent question, it is ok to have imbalanced paragraphs if you agree or disagree. However, as you wrote one about how tech benefits many people, and one about groups it doesn’t benefit, some examiners might prefer to see more balanced paragraphs.Sorry to be vague about this, but examiners have different opinions on the importance of balancing the paragraphs.My advice is to go for balanced paragraphs.--非常重要的一个点，否则我应该拿到9分了。

　　2. C&C- Cohesion and Coherence

　　Band score 9

　　The overall organisation of the paragraphs is logical, and there is clear progression throughout.

　　The paragraphs have clear topics and good topic sentences.

　　Use of cohesive devices is excellent and unobtrusive.

　　3. LR- - Lexical resource

　　Band score 8

　　Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, and with only minor inaccuracies

　　It is good for a low band score 8.This means some examiners would probably give you a 7 --意味着词汇还应该再书面和学术一些

　　4. GRA- Grammatical range and accuracy

　　Band score 9

　　Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, and with minor errors, which should be good for a band score 9.

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